so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
