she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
