i just made my gag reflex go away.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
