So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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