I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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