My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
