i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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