Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
