Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
