at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
