Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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