Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
