Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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