His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
