i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
