we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
