I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
