so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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