4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
