dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
