It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
