I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
