She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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