You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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