You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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