five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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