My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm passing your future prison.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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