Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
