What did we do last night that was yellow?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
