Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
