I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
