I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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