I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
