I have demons in me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
