there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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