Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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