She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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