My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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