he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
