umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
