mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
