Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
