I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
