I am puke
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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