By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Randomize
