Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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