Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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