I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
