i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
