I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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