Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
