Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
