WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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