i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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