My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
