My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
